Thursday, March 5, 2009

Training a child in the path they should choose it hardwork!..

http://www.foundationsforfreedom.net/Topics/Parenting/Parenting05_Training.html

I found the above website today and was reading it over. I"m going to post a little bit of what it says below and i'd love to hear what everyone else with kids thinks about this site.. i find myself just in awe lately of the tantrums lilly is throwing and a little out of sorts with what i should exactly do about it. I mean of course i don't want a bratty little kid that thinks she gets her own way all the time or she will sit down and throw her whole body around while screaming.. but righ tnow that is what i have on my hands. Yesterday i made her go to her bed and cry it out for a while. I"m not sure she even got the point but the thing is i worked so hard getting her to transition smoothly to her big girl bed that i don't want to ruin it by having her have to stay there for punishment but there isn't anywhere else she will stay. Anyway here is what this website says.. it says alot and it was interesting to read but i'll let youcheck it out on your own..

Once there was a world famous king. He had everything he could ever have asked for. He had power; he even had peace. On top of all that he was a profound philosopher known for his writings and wise sayings. People took tours from around the world just to see how great his kingdom was. There was just one problem. Although he excelled in just about everything, there was one area he didn't master. The downfall of his kingdom came within the next generation just because he didn't exercise self-control in that one area.

Self-control is all important. If a person lacks self-control in only one area of his life it can bring his marriage or family down. Whether it is gambling, immorality, anger or stealing, any of these areas that are out of control will control him. Destruction follows. King Solomon's willingness to disobey God in the one area of sensuality caused the kingdom to be torn in two. Two verses in scripture remind us of that of self-control is essential.

A city that is broken into and without walls
is a man who has no control over his spirit. (Proverbs 25:28)

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. (Proverbs 16:32)

The heart of the issue is "Who is leading whom?" Either we will train our children to be self-controlled or we will train them to be demanding and self-centered. We can ask a different set of questions to help us see this more clearly. Is the child setting the schedule and demanding things go his own way? Or is the parent, (appointed by God) leading the child, setting the daily routine? Do you as a parent require that your child conform to your desires? Or do you allow him to rule your time with his desires?

In order to effectively develop self-control in our children, we need to set up good routines and develop a flexible schedule. We must take the time and initiative to train them to comply with the routine. The repetition of routines goes a long way toward building up confidence, experience and acceptance of what needs to be done in life. The very patterns that they are familiar with will become the same patterns that they will naturally adopt for their own, as they get older.

In the last chapter we looked at several important general principles for how to train our children. In this chapter we will look specific training steps, illustrated by example. We will also develop routines and schedules and show how they all support and reinforce one another.

A. Effective Training
Self-control or self-discipline is developed by lots of repetitive training. The most important area to tackle first is the child's response to his parent's word or instruction. When the parent speaks, the child should obey. If we start when our babies are but tiny little infants, they will know no other alternative. This resolves much of the parents and child's frustration. In any case, the training takes time and repetition.

Many parents fight against the idea that a child must always obey his parents. Or somehow they do not understand it is an obedience issue. Perhaps they think that they love the child by tolerating his bad behavior. They think that somehow this pressure will hurt the child. In fact, the opposite is true. Let's assume that almost all parents will instruct their child in some things. Most parents are unsuccessful in training because they are inconsistent; they don't always carry through to compel their child to obey each instruction or command that they give.

They tell them to do something, "Come here" but allow the child to run the other way sometimes, even thinking it is 'cute'. Disobedience is never cute. Every time the parents are inconsistent, they send a mixed message to their child. Inconsistency in making them obey communicates that obedience is not that important. So the child disobeys more. This in turn causes more disobedience, more chastisement and a longer time to train the child. The caring parent can avoid this by being absolutely consistent. Be true to your word. Mean what you say and say what you men. It might help the parent to view this 'half-baked' child training as disobedience training.

The earlier a parent starts training the child, the better. We should think about training as something that is always going on. From our child's earliest days, we will always be training them one way or another. If we establish our routines early on, then we can have a relatively peaceful and quiet home, a home where parents have wonderful relationships with their child.

Wrong training early in life greatly influences behavioral problems later on. We will trace pattern of early baby cries through to the toddler stage.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I could go on for hours about a parent being consistant. I know what you mean about not wanting to put Lilly in her bed when she is not minding or throwing a tantrum. Emma rarely threw tantrums with me, when she did I would quietly tell her to chill out and if she did not then I would just walk away and leave her where she was. I don't want her to think that that would get her attention. It seemed to work. I try so so hard not to raise my voice. I hate having to raise my voice. I know Emma is by far not the best behaved kid but I like to think she is pretty good :) Now if I could figure out how to channel her energy LOL